a few yrs ago, when i first met #2 - well... became acquainted w/ her presence @ work (i never actually talked to her until more than a year after she started working there & found out she was a bright & interesting person) i saw her standing in the break room leaning against the wall & i had to do a double take b/c for the briefest moment, when i first saw her, i thought it was my goddess athena.
she was at work yet again today... idk how i'm going to make it through the rest of the year seeing her 3-4x / wk. when i hear her voice, see her post on fb, think about her - whatever - i find myself feeling infuriated and think about how much i dislike her (esp. for the bullshit way she chose to break up w/ me). however, when ever i see her i feel a little anxious, attracted to her and remember why i went out with her - she's stunning & i greatly enjoy conversing with her.
over the past few weeks i've started more fully admitting to myself how i truly feel about athena. i love her, even in all that time we were friends before we hooked up, i knew i loved her & that i want to be with her. well, one of the reasons i was so attracted to #2 is b/c of how much she reminds me of athena.... and like a kick in the nuts, it hit me. i'm still attracted to her & still want to hang out w/ her (& potentially hook up w/ her) b/c she's the closest thing i have to my little goddess. she's little more than 2nd place to the one i want to be with and can't have.
in a way, this is good - it means that #2 no longer has any manner of hold on me, i recognize that i'm only interested in her b/c she's a potential proxy for the one i want to be with. in a way, it's bad - this month will be 4yrs since i've seen athena, ~3 since we've spoken - yet *she* is the one that has this ridiculous hold on me that i just cannot break free of (and considering how much i want to date her) that i don't want to break free from...
No comments:
Post a Comment