someday - post 58

i'm not sure how to tell you this, and i only hope that someday, these words will find you...

princess:
i don't want to hurt you.  and i cannot apologize enough for everything i've done that has hurt you.
i don't want to play games with you.
i adore you for the bright, driven, passionate woman you are.
i want to be there for you when things are rough.  to comfort and hold you when that's what you need.
we both know that i don't deserve you and that you're a far better person than me - but i will never give up hope that we can make this work.
i miss you more than you know.
all i want is the opportunity to make you happy & to fall in love with you.
~me


that's all i've got....

my type 2.0 - post 57

by way of follow up to post 46 - i *MAY* actually have a type...

i've been watching Felicity on netflix streaming (don't judge) and really remembered this thing i had for amanda foreman's character "Meghan" throughout the course of that show.  today, i saw the new Evanescense video for What You Want - and remembered the little thing i have for amy lee.  looking at pictures of athena and snowflake...  yeah, there's some commonalities and similarities among all of them.

yes, i still find all of that fairly attractive (for the most part). but the truth of the matter is: my little princess is, of course, who i want to be with and, let's face it - is the most beautiful woman i'll ever be with.  while i need to appreciate my type, it's important for me to move more towards the petite, athletic, gorgeous little princess type....

cute title about - post 56

it's been nearly a month.  what's there to say?  that intertube dating thing hasn't really panned out.  i've messaged 1 girl in the past 2wks or so... BUT - the more important thing is that princess and i have been talking again for the past 2wks or so (yeah - i JUST saw that too... suddenly my inactivity on the online site makes more sense to me) and we've been having some really nice conversations, very similar to when we were seeing each other.

i messaged her about 2wks ago to ask her about something at her grad school & she actually replied pretty quickly and started chatting easily... so, we talked.  and in a bit of a lull, she asked me: "do you still think about me?"  of course i do... and of course i told her as much.  then she told me that things have been kind of rough & she's really missing me (not that she hasn't before, but *this* was just a really strong kind of feeling).

and since then, we've been talking every couple of days (occasionally, briefly on back to back days).  so today, she messaged me to tell me that she found the answer to my question - when the event is occurring - and i asked her if she'd let me take her.  she said "we can do that", so... if not sooner, i'll get to see my beautiful, amazing little princess in about a month.

since her and i have this ridiculous total honesty clause in our relationship, i told her about my forays into intertube dating... she said it's completely okay and she wants me to date other girls and see what's out there.  but, i don't.  the constant rejection of no replies is kind of grating on me.  plus, i'm just not meeting anyone and thinking "ZOMFG - I WANT HER" (see last post for this discussion).  

so, with that said: at this point, it's kind of "princess, or nothing".  and i'm not 100% comfortable w/ "nothing"