i shit-canned the initial intertube dating site i was using, having met with incredibly shitty luck. and that brought me to a new site. a site where girls reply to your awkward emails. thanks, cool chick carol!
starting things off, i was having an okay start to a conversation w/ this chick - getting my legs back, so to speak - until she asks "i see you don't want kids. any reason for that? you ever been married?" in her 2nd reply. way to go for the jugular, sweetie.
next up, was this cute little artsy munchkin. we went on a date for tea and it, well... it went. she wasn't really into it, i suppose. i tried to follow up w/ her, just to be sure ~ but before my self-esteem could actually take a hit: SUDDENLY, an awkward, adorbs & amazing artsy girl shows up and starts chatting with me. and a ph.d. student. and this total hipster chick.
A^4 and i went on a date last saturday (17 dec 11). low key dive for a couple of drinks. out for dinner afterwards. during dinner, we made plans to get together on tuesday to do something after agreeing that we were both having one of our best 1st dates, quite possibly, ever. made out for a while when i dropped her off at her car. she messaged me the next day (sunday) and i told her i had plans through most of the day, but if she wanted to get together at 10p, we could have a late dinner. we did that and stayed there chatting until they threw us out when they closed at 2a. i walked her to her car and we kept chatting, kissed a little, then agreed to head over to her place...
i'm really into this chick. she's so much fun and we both totally dig each other. however, as with virtually every other chick i've been with, she's emotionally unavailable as a result of her past. she called me at 0130 this morning and i went over thinking that we were just going to have an epic time. granted, we messed around a little bit - but we spent more time having a pretty serious buzz-killington worthy conversation about how she doesn't know how to have a "normal" relationship and she keeps everyone at arm's length.
...that she knows she's just going to hurt me and can't give me the kind of relationship i'm looking for.
for the 2nd time this week, we fell asleep cuddled close and tightly against each other. the feel of our limbs and bodies laced together is pretty amazing, especially since princess wouldn't cuddle at night (one of her many anti-intimacy defenses).
this time, i cried a little. not b/c of what she said, but b/c what she said means that she probably won't give us a legitimate chance and more than likely, i'll get hurt, yet again.
i finally met the kind of girl that i've been fantasizing about for years: weird, artsy, gamer, nerdy, reader, passionate, intelligent, awkward ~ and now this.
but, i like her and see real potential in her. i'm not going to take this laying down! i've been trying to think of nice things to do for her, help her out, talk to her and keep her engaged in the idea of a potential "us". like i says, i'm not giving this one up without a fight.
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