march is certainly shaping up to be a complete and utter fucking waste of existence...
the dating realm is pretty boring. i haven't heard from munchkin since her replying that she wasn't particularly interested in taking in a sporting event this coming week. and the bi girl never replied to the email i sent her.
i've discovered that my current financial resources are approximately $400 short for my bills due through 10 april. and that's not counting the other say, $350 that i need to pay out later in the month.
oh, yeah - so here's a thing: i've been a professional driver since i was 19 (like, 13yrs) and have had my class A cdl since i was 22 (a decade now) but, my OTR experience was too long ago and all my local experience apparently doesn't matter for fuck-all of anything.
it also appears as though i'm unable to get a job at even a coffee shop. things aren't looking good for either the analyst position or the liaison positions i've applied to. multiple trucking companies have turned me down... my last resort backup plan has fallen through. apparently, i'm thoroughly undesirable to women and employers.
clearly a suboptimal situation.
plus, student loans are going to come due again next month.... *sigh* anyone up for some kurt cobain edition rock band?
18 March 2012
13 March 2012
weekend recap - post 92
saturday found my sleep schedule becoming fucked up again. i skipped the script --> font discussion thing in the morning :-( however, i absolutely made it to the storytelling event in the evening. it was pretty epic (although a couple of the speakers kind of sucked - on the whole, it was a great event).
we changed the clocks forward sunday... that always sucks testicles. not in the good way, either. so, i met munchkin at the ballet. she was totes into it! we walked a couple of blocks for food and drinks. we chat. she's so bubbly and fun. i should have kissed her. in the realm of individuals questioning my orientation - she had this adorable little black cloth & bead ring and matching earrings. she made them, so we started talking about our crafts and selling stuff online and events coming up.
sadly, she said this week is slammed, but she wants to do something next week. i can only hope that this doesn't turn into a repeat of last time. I WANT A PRETTY LITTLE MUCHKIN!
what else? i still really need a job... cash monies are becoming way tighter than i'm comfortable with.
still haven't heard back from the bi girl.
i started knitting again this morning. going to try to stay awake all day. meeting my bff for coffee at like, 1030. need to drop off a resume to this place on the south end of town. still hoping for a real spot to come though, but i'm not terribly optimistic. i guess i should reapply to an OTR driving job.
princess keeps popping into my head... i miss the way she fucked. and her insanely hot little athletic body. legit, i just want to cuddle her and caress her solidly firm abs.
yeah, i'm kind of hating life right now.
we changed the clocks forward sunday... that always sucks testicles. not in the good way, either. so, i met munchkin at the ballet. she was totes into it! we walked a couple of blocks for food and drinks. we chat. she's so bubbly and fun. i should have kissed her. in the realm of individuals questioning my orientation - she had this adorable little black cloth & bead ring and matching earrings. she made them, so we started talking about our crafts and selling stuff online and events coming up.
sadly, she said this week is slammed, but she wants to do something next week. i can only hope that this doesn't turn into a repeat of last time. I WANT A PRETTY LITTLE MUCHKIN!
what else? i still really need a job... cash monies are becoming way tighter than i'm comfortable with.
still haven't heard back from the bi girl.
i started knitting again this morning. going to try to stay awake all day. meeting my bff for coffee at like, 1030. need to drop off a resume to this place on the south end of town. still hoping for a real spot to come though, but i'm not terribly optimistic. i guess i should reapply to an OTR driving job.
princess keeps popping into my head... i miss the way she fucked. and her insanely hot little athletic body. legit, i just want to cuddle her and caress her solidly firm abs.
yeah, i'm kind of hating life right now.
10 March 2012
awkwardsauce - post 91
it's been a busy week with a packed weekend planned. let's see if i can get through all of this (translation: go fetch a fucking coffee - it's going to be a long post)
so, if things weren't clear in post 90, yes: i fucked the bi girl sunday night, despite the fact that we never actually left her place and go out as planned. and yes: it was weird and awkward for me (and i think her as well - she said it had been like, 6+mos since she'd had sex. strangely, princess was also coming off of something like an 8mo hiatus the first time we hooked up).
as i said, we were talking and just kept talking and never left. after a few hours of discussion and getting closer and closer, we started talking about kinks and bondage and fun stuff like that. a pause. i leaned in and started kissing her. we kept at it for a while. she made some movements to indicate she wanted her top off. i obliged. i was a little shocked that she was a bit thicker than i had expected. but, we were both having fun, so i looked past it (dammit... great conversations turn me on so fucking much). there was some kissing and biting taking place. she was obviously up for more, so i slipped down to the floor and positioned her so that i could get her pants off and started going down on her. she was definitely into that.
after a while, she started pulling my shirt off and i laid on the bed unsure of where things were going, since i figured we were going to stop there? a mediocre back rub for me was up next. then she indicated that she wanted to reciprocate. not bad... things were winding down, so we cuddled for a bit. it became very obvious pretty quickly that she was trying to position herself to slip me inside of her. i was still a bit on the fence, so i told her that if she wanted to fuck, i'd have to run to the car to get some condoms. she popped into the next room quickly and came back with a few. it was settled. it was interesting. she was really into it & very enthusiastic about it. as an added bonus, she wanted me to finish in my preferred manner. that was nice!
yeah, that happened. in total i was over her place for almost 8hrs and we spent at least 4.5 of them fooling around. age (and first times) have certainly brought the gift of endurance.
a couple of days later, i was out with a buddy of mine for an event & i noticed munchkin (from posts 70 & 72) was there. there was a pretty awkward set of eye-contact exchanges... i was trying to be sure it was her & i think she was a little shocked to see me.
after the event, i decided to walk up to her and see if it was, in fact, her. i lightly touched the back of her arm as i said "o hai!" and she turned around and immediately hugged me. we started chatting. she said that she had a bad experience w/ a crazy stalker dude and had to cancel her account on the dating site we were on. we briefly caught up a bit and talked about events that we've been to and plan on going to. we said we should get together again.
i text her the next day saying that it was great to see her and we should get together. she was totes into it. we agreed to go to the ballet on sunday (coming up tomorrow - since it's technically saturday as i'm writing this) and out for dinner after.
just like that, this gorgeous, interesting woman that i was pretty interested in about 2mos ago fell back into my life. i'm really hoping things go better than last time (i.e.: we don't fall out of touch & things work out... maybe even some real dating stuff!)
thursday night, i was supposed to go out w/ the bi girl again. she messaged me during the day saying that she wasn't feeling well and wanted to cancel. i said that was fine and told her that i hope she feels better soon. friday morning i tried to message her and see how she was doing. she never replied. and i always thought it was the guy who was supposed to freak out and try to avoid the girl after weird, awkward sex....
also on thursday, i decided to message a^4 about a couple of events coming up today (saturday - more on those in a bit) and see if she would care to join me. she never replied. then, in a freaky, weird coincidence, she popped up broadcasting being free that night on the locals feature of the web-dating site we use. i msg'd her that i'd be out for coffee and reading until 2200 & i'd like for her to join me if she didn't have anyone else to do stuff w/. her profile (i didn't check it, but i get basic status info in message previews) indicates that she's now single - not "seeing someone" anymore - so that's a thing...
friday, #1 took me out to lunch as a belated birthday present. that was nice of her.
today, i'm planning on going to a couple of events. one is on the process of turning a written script into a font. i'm still on the fence as to if i'm going to go, since it's fairly early in the morning. in the evening, i'm going to an event called "speak easy: true stories, told live" that looks really interesting.
ballet & dinner sunday.
rest of the week: empty other than job searching stuff... the one w/ the local PD that i felt semi-confident on told me that i was one of over 145 applicants when i followed up with them during the week. that certainly doesn't give me the warm and fuzzies.
and now, we're all up to date.
*hugzes!*
so, if things weren't clear in post 90, yes: i fucked the bi girl sunday night, despite the fact that we never actually left her place and go out as planned. and yes: it was weird and awkward for me (and i think her as well - she said it had been like, 6+mos since she'd had sex. strangely, princess was also coming off of something like an 8mo hiatus the first time we hooked up).
as i said, we were talking and just kept talking and never left. after a few hours of discussion and getting closer and closer, we started talking about kinks and bondage and fun stuff like that. a pause. i leaned in and started kissing her. we kept at it for a while. she made some movements to indicate she wanted her top off. i obliged. i was a little shocked that she was a bit thicker than i had expected. but, we were both having fun, so i looked past it (dammit... great conversations turn me on so fucking much). there was some kissing and biting taking place. she was obviously up for more, so i slipped down to the floor and positioned her so that i could get her pants off and started going down on her. she was definitely into that.
after a while, she started pulling my shirt off and i laid on the bed unsure of where things were going, since i figured we were going to stop there? a mediocre back rub for me was up next. then she indicated that she wanted to reciprocate. not bad... things were winding down, so we cuddled for a bit. it became very obvious pretty quickly that she was trying to position herself to slip me inside of her. i was still a bit on the fence, so i told her that if she wanted to fuck, i'd have to run to the car to get some condoms. she popped into the next room quickly and came back with a few. it was settled. it was interesting. she was really into it & very enthusiastic about it. as an added bonus, she wanted me to finish in my preferred manner. that was nice!
yeah, that happened. in total i was over her place for almost 8hrs and we spent at least 4.5 of them fooling around. age (and first times) have certainly brought the gift of endurance.
a couple of days later, i was out with a buddy of mine for an event & i noticed munchkin (from posts 70 & 72) was there. there was a pretty awkward set of eye-contact exchanges... i was trying to be sure it was her & i think she was a little shocked to see me.
after the event, i decided to walk up to her and see if it was, in fact, her. i lightly touched the back of her arm as i said "o hai!" and she turned around and immediately hugged me. we started chatting. she said that she had a bad experience w/ a crazy stalker dude and had to cancel her account on the dating site we were on. we briefly caught up a bit and talked about events that we've been to and plan on going to. we said we should get together again.
i text her the next day saying that it was great to see her and we should get together. she was totes into it. we agreed to go to the ballet on sunday (coming up tomorrow - since it's technically saturday as i'm writing this) and out for dinner after.
just like that, this gorgeous, interesting woman that i was pretty interested in about 2mos ago fell back into my life. i'm really hoping things go better than last time (i.e.: we don't fall out of touch & things work out... maybe even some real dating stuff!)
thursday night, i was supposed to go out w/ the bi girl again. she messaged me during the day saying that she wasn't feeling well and wanted to cancel. i said that was fine and told her that i hope she feels better soon. friday morning i tried to message her and see how she was doing. she never replied. and i always thought it was the guy who was supposed to freak out and try to avoid the girl after weird, awkward sex....
also on thursday, i decided to message a^4 about a couple of events coming up today (saturday - more on those in a bit) and see if she would care to join me. she never replied. then, in a freaky, weird coincidence, she popped up broadcasting being free that night on the locals feature of the web-dating site we use. i msg'd her that i'd be out for coffee and reading until 2200 & i'd like for her to join me if she didn't have anyone else to do stuff w/. her profile (i didn't check it, but i get basic status info in message previews) indicates that she's now single - not "seeing someone" anymore - so that's a thing...
friday, #1 took me out to lunch as a belated birthday present. that was nice of her.
today, i'm planning on going to a couple of events. one is on the process of turning a written script into a font. i'm still on the fence as to if i'm going to go, since it's fairly early in the morning. in the evening, i'm going to an event called "speak easy: true stories, told live" that looks really interesting.
ballet & dinner sunday.
rest of the week: empty other than job searching stuff... the one w/ the local PD that i felt semi-confident on told me that i was one of over 145 applicants when i followed up with them during the week. that certainly doesn't give me the warm and fuzzies.
and now, we're all up to date.
*hugzes!*
05 March 2012
what the fuck am i thinking - post 90
so, i went to pick the bi girl up at 1930. she opened the door and invited me in. we started chatting. soon, it was hours later & we never went out to the bar. the conversation was good, intellectual, academic, interesting...
she's not exactly really good looking though & definitely nowhere near as small as the little munchkins and twigs i prefer and have been pursuing over the past year.
we kept moving closer and closer. after a while, i kissed her. we kept kissing. one thing kind of lead to another.... *sigh* why can't i just go back to sleeping w/ someone i really like and want to be with? someone like princess or a^4 or athena (and yeah, i know i didn't fuck those last two, but the point remains).
for some reason, my balls kind of hurt too.
anyhow - i was really hoping to be home by like, 2230/2300 so i could work on tax stuff. it was after 0215 when i left her place. have an appointment w/ the accountant at 1100. i really need to get like 4hrs sleep so i can get that done. going to try to sack out on the couch for a little bit. then i really need to shower... i feel like they don't make water hot enough :'-(
she's not exactly really good looking though & definitely nowhere near as small as the little munchkins and twigs i prefer and have been pursuing over the past year.
we kept moving closer and closer. after a while, i kissed her. we kept kissing. one thing kind of lead to another.... *sigh* why can't i just go back to sleeping w/ someone i really like and want to be with? someone like princess or a^4 or athena (and yeah, i know i didn't fuck those last two, but the point remains).
for some reason, my balls kind of hurt too.
anyhow - i was really hoping to be home by like, 2230/2300 so i could work on tax stuff. it was after 0215 when i left her place. have an appointment w/ the accountant at 1100. i really need to get like 4hrs sleep so i can get that done. going to try to sack out on the couch for a little bit. then i really need to shower... i feel like they don't make water hot enough :'-(
04 March 2012
not sure i'm feeling it - post 89
guh... i guess we'll start things off after leap day.
i was right about pikachu's lack of interest. friday, i asked her if she was free this weekend (i was planning on pretty much, flat out, saying "look, i can't even tell if you like me - is there anything here?"). and she replied:
also on friday, i had a lunch time tea with the bi girl. *sigh* she seems like she's interesting and decent to talk to, but idk that i find her sufficiently attractive to really want to pursue things. we're getting together tonight for drinks. based on her responses to a lot of questions on her intertube dating profile, i get the feeling that she's dtf & looking for some kind of sexual relationship. she also stated in those questions that she's probably going to be looking for an open relationship and the ability to see / sleep with others as well. both of those are issues for me.
i know that i told a^4 that i'd consider giving her leeway in terms of her inability to be in an exclusive relationship - but i could've seen us in something serious beyond that. but, since i'm not even mostly sure on this, that's an issue. also, i'm back to my questioning of my ability to have casual-sex centered relations. maybe a one-nighter to nail my >120mos younger challenge-prize, but i just don't know how i might react to sex w/ someone i don't really care about. is it better to sleep w/ someone just b/c i'm lonely & it's available or just keep holding off until i meet someone who measures up to all of my standards?
i was right about pikachu's lack of interest. friday, i asked her if she was free this weekend (i was planning on pretty much, flat out, saying "look, i can't even tell if you like me - is there anything here?"). and she replied:
I can tomorrow, however, I just want to be clear that its [sic] as friends. I enjoy hanging out w/you & if this changes you wanting to meet Sat., I understand.since it was out there, i immediately came back with:
Actually, that's what I was hoping to clarify... If you want me to keep you in mind for some of the events & general goings-on in the city, I'm fine with just hanging out occasionally (the overwhelming majority of my friends are women) but right now - I'm definitely trying to find someone to date.she said that she'd like hanging out and we left things open from there.
also on friday, i had a lunch time tea with the bi girl. *sigh* she seems like she's interesting and decent to talk to, but idk that i find her sufficiently attractive to really want to pursue things. we're getting together tonight for drinks. based on her responses to a lot of questions on her intertube dating profile, i get the feeling that she's dtf & looking for some kind of sexual relationship. she also stated in those questions that she's probably going to be looking for an open relationship and the ability to see / sleep with others as well. both of those are issues for me.
i know that i told a^4 that i'd consider giving her leeway in terms of her inability to be in an exclusive relationship - but i could've seen us in something serious beyond that. but, since i'm not even mostly sure on this, that's an issue. also, i'm back to my questioning of my ability to have casual-sex centered relations. maybe a one-nighter to nail my >120mos younger challenge-prize, but i just don't know how i might react to sex w/ someone i don't really care about. is it better to sleep w/ someone just b/c i'm lonely & it's available or just keep holding off until i meet someone who measures up to all of my standards?
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