more awkward than expected - post 110

i'm just going to copy+paste the recap of the unadulterated clusterfuck of awkwardness that friday night turned into from another one of my pages:

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Well... That was even more awkward than I had imagined! Somehow, she wasn't expecting to be meeting me - but rather, a different person, so it was even weirder. Like the mature adult I pretend to be, I was civil and offered her the option to just grab dessert & catch up, then part ways OR we could just part ways immediately. She opted for dessert... I don't think I've EVER had such a superficially based conversation that's been so uncomfortable.

Let me be as clear as possible when I say: Fuck. This. Shit.

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from here, a few friends commented on this as they're uninitiated to this blog and the stories leading up to this point in time.  i tried to clarify / bring everyone up to speed with the following (lengthier) message:

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Okay... Let me set this up appropriately. On Saturday, I received a text from this girl I hooked up with back in December (after which, she proceeded to fall off the face of the planet). This text was clearly intended for someone else, so I said "Hey, I think you messaged the wrong person - either way, I hope you're doing well" and expected that to be the end of it.

She replies and starts chatting away. She then indicated that she wanted to get together for coffee on Monday. It seemed a little odd, but whatever, I said sure.

Monday, she messaged be to cancel / reschedule for later in the week (today) and we agreed to meet at [Dessert Place] & maybe head over to [Restaurant] afterwords. THEN, she messaged me yesterday to ask if I wanted to go to [Local Arts Space] for an artist party after all of that. Again, I hesitantly said "Sure"

Well - this is really weird because of how things ended back in December... [Going Tarantino here: We went on a few dates, she seemed really into it, we were getting along well, blah blah blah... She was supposed to head out of town to visit family in Cincinnati (it was the week of X-mas) - but for whatever reason, that didn't happen. At 0200 in the morning, I had just finished making Xmas cookies for peeps, I get a call from her: "Hey, I'm still in town, would you come over?" Of course, I did. We're getting into things, she excused herself for a moment, comes back and proceeded to have a complete and utter meltdown - tears and all - about how I'm such a nice guy and she's just going to hurt me and we should slow down and a completely incomprehensible spiel around the tears about how she "always does this" I agreed that we should slow down and that was totally cool. She wrapped herself around me in bed and we fell asleep. In the morning, she woke up, freaking out about how she was late and needed to leave. We kissed goodbye, she said we'd talk later then I never heard from her again.]

Okay, so given that, the fact that she suddenly is planning a whole night of shit seems odd - but as I said "Whatever..."

*Sigh*

SO tonight - I'm waiting for her, she shows up and looks legitimately surprised to see me. We go inside, take a table and she starts off: "So... Yeah... This is going to be really weird and awkward"

I deadpanned "As if this isn't already?"

"Well, you know how this all started with the mistaken text? Apparently my phone is also moving numbers from where they belong, it switched Derpina & Derpette and a few others... Apparently it swapped yours with my friend (whatever his name was, I wasn't really paying attention)."

I told her that, well, we're both here... We can eat some dessert and "catch up" and part ways or we could just laugh it off, get up now and head out. She decided we should eat and head out.

Hands down, the most awkward 20-25 conversation ever! Even our poor waitress was visibly uncomfortable.

And THAT, my friends, is just another example of why I hate trying to date in this fucking city. Because weird, uncomfortable, awkward shit like this happens with surprising regularity to me...

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yeah... so that happened.  i left there, called up a friend of mine & met her at a bar (didn't drink! only had some fried mac&chz bites and water) then caught up with another buddy for a burger & to relay the awkwardness.  

 this, as it turns out, is my life.

"apprehensive" is an understatement - post 109

as it turns out - a^4 canceled for monday, but said she still wanted to get together this week.  so tonight (friday), we're going out for dessert, a small dinner then to a party for some arts gathering.  this is kind of shaping up like a "date"...  

i'm really nervous about how this is going to go.  i haven't seen her since waking up in the morning in her bed after she freaked out (after calling me at 0200 to come over) about moving too fast and not being able to be in a relationship.  we got along so well back in december though, i'm thinking that we'll just start talking and everything will be good.  but, does she want to try again?  do i want to?  are there good reasons to?  should it be avoided at all costs?

no idea.

really, i just don't know how this is going to go or what she's looking for out of getting together.  nor am i sure what i'm looking for.  i don't even know that i'll be able to bring myself to ask her what happened back those 9 long months ago... 

there's too much uncertainty here, i'm having a hard time falling asleep as my mind plays through the endless array of possibilities for how this night could play out.

"apprehensive" is an understatement

a development - post 108

so, saturday - a^4 accidentally text me.  i replied briefly indicating that she messaged the wrong person & said something along the lines of "I hope you're doing well".  

sunday, she replied that her phone screwed up and messaged every victor* in her phone and inquired how i was doing.  seeing as she fell completely off the face of the planet back in december, this reply blew my mind.

well, long story short: we exchanged a few messages and firmed things up to meet up for coffee monday.  i'm pretty sure this has ¡ HAWKWARD ! written all over it. 

yeah... that's a thing.

additionally, i have a pretty packed week coming up.  a lot of errands and stuff to do with acquiring a job / volunteering / similar stuff over the course of the next 2wks.  a footy match in the middle of this week.  meeting up with a^4.  meeting up with the german. taking care of #1's dog while she's doing stuff this week.  cooking for the housemates later in the week.  

a lot of stuff that i'm fairly energized about.

AND - we're coming to a close pretty soon on my 100 Pushups Summer Challenge, so i'm working on hammering out a fitness challenge for my group for Autumn.  we'll see how that goes and what everyone's keen on doing.  hopefully, participation will improve.  we're down to myself and 3 others that are even posting anything (though not with a ton of regularity - one individual has been more consistent than anyone else, the other 3 of us are treading water as best as we can).

and that's that.

i'll update as soon as i can about how the meet up with a^4 goes (so long as she doesn't cancel)

¿re-energized? - post 107

just returned home from visiting the family (and reroofing my aunt & uncle's place - the main reason i went on that little trip).  as usual, the trip wasn't particularly relaxing due to all the running around to visit everyone.  combine that with the labor involved with ripping off an old roof, replacing boards and laying shingles, it was a pretty tiring week and a half.

on returning though, i'm feeling a little bit re-energized and ready to hop back into job searching and settling into my routine / doing stuff that needs to be done.  something, just to make sure i don't end up returning to my native "home".

what else?  i accomplished nothing on my ancillary list that i wanted to get done while out of town.  i didn't finish the book that i'm working on (though i'm already through 23 on the way to surpassing my goal of 26 this year) - so i didn't get to start the other ones i brought with me to work on.  similarly, i didn't get any knitting done.  all the emails i've been needing to get out also were put on hold....  

there's a lot of stuff to catch up on this week.  i have faith that i'll get through it all.

so, umm... i've been talking to a 19y/o from back around where family is from.  i was trying to lay the ground work to meet so that i'd have another friend to visit while up that way.  we had a pretty solid week+ worth of email exchanges, then thurs night (real early friday) had a super intense chat / cybering session.  she said she'd like for us to get together next time i'm in the area.  i'd really like that.  she seems fun and sweet and really nice / good natured.  we'll see if that leads to anything...

still listening to a bit of Emilie Autumn.  i need to find her Ophiliac CD.  i keep hearing songs from it that are amazing.  she's such a haunted, hurt young woman...  if her songs are as autobiographical as she says, it's a shame.