annoyed again - post 115

i don't even know why i try to maintain an internet dating profile.  first up, let's go back to last weekend: the website sent me an email about being such a loyal user and asked me if i'd be interested in being a moderator for them.  i guess this is my consolation prize.  virtually no one ever replies to me. i've barely been on any dates.  so, yeah - apparently that's a thing.

alright, on to my beef for the day.  my profile is very clear: if you're poly / in a relationship / looking for an open relationship - do NOT message me.  i'm also very clear that i'm looking for dating / a relationship, not the other options available like new friends / pen pals / or casual sex.

with that clearly stated, i think it's understandable why i'm pissed about the following message from a bi girl that's "available" and states right off the bat that she's poly and in a relationship and has a wonderful boyfriend blah blah blah....

How do you feel about poly people if all they're looking for is platonic interesting conversations over coffee? (This is how I expand my social circle, ;) )  

i replied as bluntly as possible:

Poly people looking for platonic conversation, hmm....

I've been trying to write a response for the past hour and a half that doesn't make me look dismissive and bitter about past experiences with poly females that were just supposed to be "just friends" since I can't really convey tone, body language, etc. through email. With that little disclaimer, if you can bear with me through airing my concerns, I hope you'll understand my apprehensions.

1) Over the years, I've become acquainted with a number of poly individuals (male and female - more female though). I recognize that this limited number isn't representative of the poly community as a whole, and I'm trying not to judge it as such, but my experiences are what they are. Two supposedly "just friends" (both female & involved in open relationships) have tried on multiple occasions to get me to "oh, try it some time" or to persuade me into getting together at times where they were lonely and obviously looking for some sort of hook up ~ all while obviously dismissing the facts that I do not do anything casual (and yes, that's another issue entirely) and that I have no interest in being a part of a poly relationship or being with someone when they already have a partner. Again, I'm not trying to generalize to the community as a whole, but those have been two of my most recent experiences and it leaves me with a feeling that my preferences are not respected by those that don't understand my inability to participate in casual and/or non-monogamous relationships.

2) I have a fairly small circle of friends. Roughly 70% of which is female. A number of them are women that I was either:
a) interested in at some point, but rejected and "friendzoned" or
b) involved with and dated (anywhere from a few dates to 14yrs), but no longer together with.
While I try to be a good friend and support them, it's hard for me to not feel hurt, dismissed or rejected again when nearly all of them are in happy relationships and I'm still alone. Yes, there's a fair bit of selfishness there and I'm sure that they're not trying to rub my face in my failed efforts of the past, but it's still hard for me to deal with at times.

3) Kind of a corollary of 2) - I joined internet dating sites with the expressed intention of finding a relationship, since I thought that was the point of searching for individuals to date. The number of women who are only looking for new friends and pen-pals on here is very off-putting to me. We all have a limited amount of resources and time. At first, I tried to put a serious attempt in talking to women that approached me first (I will not message anyone that doesn't list "long-term dating" in their "looking for" section first) and trying to be friends with them and expand my social circle. So far, that has not gone particularly well - there have been a lot of mixed signals and hurt feelings as a result of those efforts. Plus, back to the point about limited resources - constantly trying to build new friendships takes time and effort. That's time and effort taken away from achieving my goal of finding a long-term partner...

So, yeah... Still sounds kind of dismissive and bitter, right? Having read through your profile twice and looking at some of our match questions, it seems like we could have some pretty solid conversations - but, I have no idea if that offsets my apprehensions above. I recognize how this reply must seem, but I hope that you can see and (at least partially) understand my point of view.

which brings a snarky reply from her: 

Yes, you are correct in how it sounds. I can see your point of view, but am not interested in lowering my personal utility to deal with it.

Good luck in your search though. Have you considered match.com? It might be a better fit for what you're looking for.  

needless to say, i'm annoyed as fuck. i've been nothing but honest in my profile and have listed a few conditions that are absolute deal-breakers for me, and yet - i'm still messaged by individuals that don't respect my preferences... 

housemates' wedding recap - post 114

this past weekend was my housemates' wedding.  a nice, simple out-of-doors affair with a small crowd and a celtic theme to it.  *FINALLY* got to wear a kilt!  seriously, i've been looking for an opportunity to do so for years.

i was paired up with a lovely bridesmaid.  my buddy's cousin.  surprisingly close to "age appropriate" - only like, 5yrs younger than me.  needless to say, nothing at all happened...  she couldn't have shown less interest in me.  legit, it would be impossible for her to do so.

friday, there were some issues with her flight, so i was asked to go retrieve her from the airport.  on the bright side, it gave me a bit of a chance to talk to the woman i'd be walking with - and she seemed very sweet.  intelligent (has a master's).  cute.  but, there wasn't really much of a "connection".  at the dinner friday night (and back at the cabins afterwords), she was all about spending time with family and just hanging out with her cousins, aunts / uncles, etc., which i totally get - it is a family event.  

saturday, i didn't see her much b/c of the dudes & chix being separate to do our respective duties.  when we finally met to walk together, i gave her my arm then placed my free hand on top of hers, leaned in and told her "wow, you are stunningly beautiful".  we walked into and away from the ceremony and into the reception together, but that was really it.  she was nice enough to offer a hug when i was leaving.  (i made sure to stop over to say goodbye and tell her that i enjoyed having her company on the drive up).  sunday, she was to be returning home, so i messaged her to have a safe trip and that i hope it went far better than the trip down.  that message has been ignored (as i expected it would be).

virtually everyone at the event was pairbonded.  the "singles" that participated in the bouquet & garter thing were all pairbonded (though not yet married) so far as i could tell.  so, yeah... that was a thing.

i did get to put my public speaking skills to good use through reading an irish toast for them (along with one of the bridesmaids).  that was also a thing.

since it was out of town, there were cabins rented for all of us - and we had access to them friday and saturday night - but since we had to be out by 0900 on sunday, i decided to just not drink at the wedding and come home as soon as i could head out saturday night.  friday, the best man provided a selection of scotches and whiskeys (and cigars) for us to sample.  raining off an on all night, a couple of us hopped into the hottub and (again, no drinking for me) drank and enjoyed a cigar while telling stories, jokes and having a fairly good time.

by all accounts - it was a successful event.

an undescriptive title - post 113

i've been meaning to write this post for a few days - but, alas... life knows how to get in the way of doing stuff.

last friday i had the pleasure of attending a concert put on by the incredibly talented violinist Lindsey Stirling (and do the whole VIP treatment / meet & greet thing - also pretty cool).  she's a super nice (and very energetic) young woman who puts on a solid show.  i'm happy i had the opportunity to be a part of it.  

since i never participated in a meet & greet, i wasn't really sure what to expect.  and i thought it would be nice to bring her a little gift to remember (in some way) her visit here.  so i brought her some local mead from Brother's Drake Meadery and knit her a pair of slippers.  she seemed to appreciate the gesture... 

what else?

still job searching.  focusing on the private sector for now to try to find something (anything) to bring in income for a little bit while i'm going through the process of applying to the air force.  late march is the earliest i'll hear anything - so i really do need something in the meantime. 

still g/f searching.  i received my first reply in months from a woman on OKC.  seemed like one of those typical "being nice and replying, but this is really a blow-off" type of messages.  not banking on anything on that front.

started the 200situps autumn challenge (in actuality, they're crunches) this week.  i did an initial test of 125 - single set.  needless to say, i hope that this goes better than the 100pushups summer challenge (final test of 40 - single set. i think the most i did in a single workout was in the 70s over 5 sets).  that's a thing...

still trying to get on the bike to minimize car use.  not doing better than a trip or two each week - but it's better than nothing.  i met a friend out for drinks on thursday and rode the bike down and home.  ~22mi r/t.  11mi each way, despite taking vastly different routes each way.  funny how that works.  had to ride at night, too.  the l/s jersey from my collegiate team days was helpful!  cooled off quite a bit once the sun went down. the bad part of that ride is that it took place in the late afternoon (1630, return ~2000ish) and i only ate a medium sized brekkers (and didn't onboard sufficient water during the day).  so the length of the workouts (~51min each way) took a fair bit out of me.  i did manage to make myself a large salad and chocolate milk for dinner (fortunately, i ran to the grocer the night before), after showering.  left me w/ a massive headache though.  woefully under-nutritioned for that kind of workout.  going to try to ride 1-2x this weekend while taking care of #1's dog, add to the miles a little bit...  

the housemates are out of town again this weekend.  it's also the last weekend i'll have on my own until next year...  i've grown accustomed to being alone over the weekends over the past few months.  on the brightside of them being gone - i can turn the heat off this weekend.  too fucking hot in here.  i've had my window open, fan on and vent shut since they turned the AC off (far too early, i might add).

Parkour - post 112

Just to be clear:
<--- this stuff is Parkour done by someone really good at it.

<--- this is NOT the stuff we were doing Wednesday night.

<--- this looks pretty cool.  What we did looked kind of like a juvenile deer / antelope attempting to stand for the 1st time.

 <--- this is the aspirational goal, someday. 



so, as it turns out, Parkour is actually a pretty legitimate workout.  you do tons of shit that your body generally doesn't do - so you're working muscles and groups that are long neglected.  hell, even the "warm up" had me sweating pretty solidly.  damned happy i didn't do my pushups today - i never would have made it.  never never never.

now i just kind of want to run around jumping onto and off of things.  it seems like a good idea and funzies.

for those that don't know what Parkour / FreeRunning is - it's a system of movement to overcome obstacles and move from one place to another in the fastest, most efficient way possible.  (FreeRunning emphasizes personal style and "pretty" moves along the way).  look it up on the intertoobs.  there's lots of cool stuff.  

annoyed - post 111

oh dear... i don't even know where to begin right now.  

i think i'm developing a strong interest in one of the girls in my knitting group.  she seems really amazing: a runner, cyclist, enjoys watching footy (and my favorite team), knows her way around good beers, has an advanced degree (in one of the "hard sciences" even) and is just super-cool (based on listening to her chat with everyone in the group over the past months).

friday, i'll be enjoying my favoritest little violinist in concert - live, in person - Lindsey Stirling.  i'll even be able to have a photo with her.  that should be kind of cool, except for the fact that i have no clue what to say to her.

sunday is athena's birthday.  somehow, i didn't message her back in august (as i usually do) on the date that we hooked up all those long years ago.  she'll ignore me again (as she always does) when i message to say happy birthday - but i feel like i need to send her some sort of message.  i need her to know that i still think about her.

OKC sent me my weekly email of new matches.  there was this one girl who was a 90% match.  she seemed nice enough, though a little nit-picky, based on her profile.  i started to think "hmm... i should message her and say hello" until i made it to her little diatribe:

I enjoy men who are big in the pants area. In fact, I can't date you unless you're well endowed. I don't want to waste any of my time or your own, getting to know you for a month just to find out that.. well, you know. So, sorry if that sounds bad, but that's me and I have my reasons 

seriously?  if that's your legitimate deal breaker, you're kind of a cuntbag.  alright, you're a size-queen - whatevs man.  but when you're saying that you don't want to "waste any of my time" just because someone's not hung like john fucking holmes - that's pretty much bullshit.  i never cease to be amazed at what women put on their profiles.  sort of like the one girl that indicated that she had been arrested while on a 1st date...  

i'm so sick of trying to meet women online (and offline, for that matter).  the last time one replied to me was back 22 March 2012.  combine that with the constant rejection from the realm of trying to find work - and, well - it turns out that i am thoroughly undesirable to anyone.  for any purpose.